Trade Deadline Response.

For those kids who read my blog regularly, please skip this post. You know who you are, Bobby, Steve, Dan, Nick, and any others I may have missed. Thanks, and check back for the next one, I'll have up some more trade bait.

Today was the MLB non-waiver trade deadline. And of course, the first place Braves just had to make a move. They couldn't stand pat. No. All of the guys who got them into first place to begin with just weren't good enough. Fuck no. We need to make moves. Everyone else is making moves, we need to as well.

Let's fall back a moment... I was pretty quiet about the whole Yunel Escobar thing. Forget that we traded the best defensive shortstop in baseball. Forget that we traded a young guy who's only getting better. Forget that we trade the A.L. player of the week who's made the Highlight of the Night four of the last seven games. In exchange we got an older, short, slightly overweight, light hitting shortstop nicknamed SeaBass. But Canuck, don't forget about the pitcher! We also got a pitcher who has a 12:1 strikeout to walk ratio. He averages two strikeouts per inning! He's the real key in the Escobar deal!

Fast forward to today. We just traded that wonder pitcher. To Kansas City. For Kyle Fucking Farnsworth. So to summarize, we trade away Yunel for a light hitting over weight motherfucker named SeaBass and Kyle Fucking Farnsworth. But Bobby didn't like Yunel. And Bobby is God, Governor, Mayor, and Grand High Inquisitor in Atlanta. So Yunel is gone.

The rest of the trade? Glad you asked. Atlanta has the best bullpen in baseball. So we traded away one of them. Jesse Chavez. Makes sense. He was pitching too well anyway. And why not get rid of our centerfielder as well. Gregor Blanco. We don't need him anyway. Our centerfielder of the future is in AA rehabbing a year long wrist injury. Our centerfielder we traded for last year from the Pirates, All Star Nate McLouth, has been demoted to AAA because he forgot what end of the bat to hold. So we only one centerfielder left. And he's now in Kansas City.

Who'd we get for him? Rick Ankiel. The pitcher who can't pitch. The pitcher who can't play centerfield either. So who's going to play CF?
Surely they don't expect.... oh. Fuck no. Not Fat Bastard.

Melky Fat Bastard Cabrerra. He couldn't hit last year playing for the Yankees. And if you can't hit in Yankee Stadium, you can't hit anywhere. And he isn't. And he's Fat. Capital F. The other day going from 1st to 3rd, a combination of his fat and the circus tent he wears instead of a proper fitting uniform, got hung up in the wind rounding 2nd and he was tagged out without even a slide.

Bobby CAN'T be considering him for CF, can he????

And where the hell is Ankiel supposed to play? The Braves two best hitters play in RF (Jason Heyward) and LF (Matty Diaz)

We don't do the DH thing in the N.L. So one of our two best hitters is going to sit to let a pitcher play the outfield????

Sweet Jesus.

a sad day in Calgary

I'm sure you've heard the news by now. Calgary has traded Elisha Cuthbert, I mean, Dion Phaneuf to the Toronto Maple Laffs.
This means no more "accidently" running into her at the grocery store she shops at. No more stuffing the pool boy into a garbage can and stealing his uniform and equipment to, ah, clean the pool while they tan poolside.... I hope someone let the poolboy out...

I'm shocked that Phaneuf was traded... one of the top blueliners in the NHL, and the most devastating hitter. But I guess when you get in an argument with the coach over how the team should be run, you gotta go. Now some of you may say, wait. He's a star. Owners and General managers listen to the stars nowadays. Yeah, well, um.... the GM is the coaches brother. So yeah.

Bottom line, our team is weaker than before. We added "depth". That's an industry term to describe the pile of crap you receive when you get bent over the trade table. Plus, Dion is locked in for four more years at a reasonable $6.5 mil each. The four guys we got are all free agents at the end of the year. Perfect.

Did I mention we gave up this?

At least if they had traded him to Ottawa for either Mike Comrie or Mike Fisher, we'd get something back. For those of you who don't know, they are dating Carrie Underwood and Hilary Duff. Don't ask me which one is which. I can't even tell Comrie and Fisher apart let alone Duff and Underwood.

A sad day in Calgary....

trade update

I know most of you tune in every morning to catch the latest update on "Since the Trades" located over on the right side of this ole blog. It's kinda like sitting down with the morning paper (do people still do that?)
Anyways. So far it's been a sham. Frenchy has been killing the ball. Church couldn't hit his way out of a wet paper bag.

But no more!

After last night, Dodger Killer Ryan Church has closed the gap.
3-5, 1 homer and 4 RBI's.
That pretty much doubled his Braves output in one game. My man LaRoche also took an 0-5 in that game, bringing him somewhat back to Earth.

I know you'll continue to tune in every morning for further updates.

Mail Day!!!

Yesterday I received a small, padded envelope in the mail. The return address was in Georgia. Yes! My Braves buddy dayf has sent me another goodie bag.
Earlier, I had sent him some random stuff, including some '08 A&G that he needed. He responded by sending 87 '08 A&G cards... 83 of which I needed, including my man Adam LaRoche!
Some more Adam cards....

and of course some Chippers.... for no package sent either way between us is complete without Chipper.

The one on the bottom left is a new one to me.... it has a hole in it. Probably some weird Pinnacle gimmick I would guess....

Plus one other goody that I will save for another post....

Thanks buddy....

Happy Birthday Wilson!

No. Not this Wilson....
No. Not this one either....

It's Wilson Betemit. Happy 27th buddy! I still can't believe we traded you for a bag of balls and a half dozen bats.

Good luck in the Evil Empire....